alexander hamilton?


How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore order his coffee?

He probably orders the most complicated drink off the menu with about five changes to it (extra whip, three extra shots of espresso, etc. etc. etc.) and then has a few of them in a row and sits in the front by the window writing all day and stopping passerby to ask if they’ve read the Federalist Papers and to ask them tell them their opinions on Thomas Jefferson and why he doesn’t have good taste in coffee, can you believe he just orders it black? And he doesn’t even go to Starbucks? He gets French coffee IMPORTED IN, from FRANCE, because he doesn’t understand America, and he probably has his slaves make it for him. Here read this manifesto I wrote about why Jefferson doesn’t understand coffee, politics, or how to be a decent human being. Laurens read it and said it was great. Eliza took away the Starbucks gift card Washington gave me for Christmas. I’m paying for these out of my own pocket now.

Burr is the barista and he’s been told that as long as Hamilton has a shirt and shoes on no, he is NOT allowed to forcibly evict him from Starbucks, no matter how loud he and his three “hooligan friends” get in the evenings after they’ve been drinking coffee all day.

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